Abandon unhappiness; understanding forgiveness

Let go of resentment, abandon negativity, mov towards enduring happiness.

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The rewards of nondual practice are immense, this form of meditation opens a window into a world where suffering and joy become a choice rather than mere chance. That doesn’t mean that challenges don’t arise for nondual practitioners, rather the conditions that give rise to problems, and the approaches of dealing with them are altered. Buddhist forms of meditation have defined theoretical frameworks describing the degree of non-duality in different practices. Secular meditation is a bit more problematic to explain. For students embarking on meditation for the first time, it’s essential to set realistic expectations whilst explaining how the system works.

A useful starting point is to talk about forgiveness, although we don’t teach forgiveness practice per se’,  it is a useful way of describing the secular non dual approach.

How would it feel if you forgave yourself for every negative action you had ever carried out?

The idea of forgiving yourself is generally compelling for most people struggling to make sense of the world. The nondual approach take the same view of the negative actions carried out by yourself and others. But to release all regret and resentment is not to abandon common sense. Whilst you may wish to unburden yourself of  negative feeling towards others, you may still be aware that certain people might not be useful to know or engage with. Forgiveness isn’t passive, it’s about giving you control. You may not be able to change how other people act but you can choose how you feel about their actions. By forgiving, you ‘let go’ of your negative emotions, you don’t forget or accept what people may have done, you just stop preciously preserving negativity in your emotional baggage.

Self forgiveness works in a similar war, if you carry around negative feelings about things you have done in the past, they don’t cease to exist. You still remember what they are but you don’t have to beat yourself up over what is passed. Learning from the past is essential for personal development, blaming oneself for past actions is not.  The nondual approach is to integrate forgiveness of self and other as inseparable. The process should be liberating, one chooses to disengage from resentment and blame, not ignore unproductive or foolish behavior. Whilst there are systems that can focus on forgiveness of self or other, the nondual approach treats blame as a limitation irrespective if it focussed on self or other.

The three rules of non dual forgiveness:

  • Forgive completely but don’t necessarily forget, don’t repeat mistakes or permit others to engage you in a manner that’s not beneficial.
  • Let go of resentment, let go of blame, there are no scores to settle just lessons to learn.
  • Actively choose the path of sustainable happiness.

The non dual approach is neither simple nor quick but it offers the opportunity to experience life as a joyful learning experience, where you have both the right and responsibility to be happy.

Author: Stephen Gene Morris

Formally trained Neuroscientist and Cognitive Psychologist, post graduate researcher of the relationships between nondual meditation and brain health. Stephen has decades of personal practice in spiritual and secular forms of meditation. Alongside the teaching and research of compassionate and nondual practices, Stephen trains his own brain every day with traditional Dzogchen methods.

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